Crush Your Ego to Smithereens for the Bargain Price of $45

The last time I got my hair cut, I bought some 'product.' Yes, I admit, I caved.

I mean, usually, I resist buying hair products at the salon, because my hair lady is so darn expensive as it is. But isn't it hard to find a good hair dresser? It's so hard for me. I finally found a lady I like now. But her prices keep going up. The last time I was in, I spent $60 for her to trim my split ends. Gees! Between the gas I spend getting there, and the haircut, I'm out like $10 per split end or something.

Anyhoo.

As I said, this last time, after my haircut, my lady asked what shampoo I use. Man, you should have seen her face contort in horror when I answered, "Aussie." I might as well have said, "Cow crap." She was not happy with me. So she went on and on about how terrible the dreaded 'store-bought' shampoos are. Blah blah blah. (They can't be that bad, can they? It's not like my hair is color treated or anything. And I haven't had a perm since the '80's. I have pretty healthy hair I would say. Or so I thought.) But this woman basically said these substandard shampoos are nothing but wax and alcohol. "Soooooo drying to your hair! Waaaaaay too harsh on the hair shaft." Whatever.

So I asked her what she recommended for me. (BIG mistake.) She launched in this whole huge drawn out diatribe about advanced formulas and yada yada yada. I just glazed over and tuned out. And finally, basically, to shut her up, I bought the stupid shampoo she gave me and went home. Correction...I went home minus another $45. For shampoo. (We're over $100 now to trim up a few split ends and a couple week's worth of shampoo. Ouch. Aussie is what - $3.50 or something? This salon stuff better be good.)

So this morning, I finally took a look at this fancy schmancy $45 bottle of shampoo. What was so great about the stuff, I wondered. Was the bottle trimmed in 24 karat gold? Was it made up of nectar from a rare botanical? Was there water in there from hot springs only found on some tiny tropical island halfway around the world?

I don't have a clue. Because I never got past the title:

Age Recharge??

Ummm...my hair is old? I need to 'age recharge' it?? Since when?

It says on the back that this shampoo is wonderful because the hair becomes "hydrated, softened and comfortable, and the scalp once again becomes a source of vitality. Hair is transformed – regaining the substance, suppleness and shine of youth."

I need all of this at the ripe ol' age of 38? I wasn't aware of the fact that my scalp had lost it's source of vitality. Or that my hair lost it's suppleness and shine of youth.

Uh - WHEN exactly did this happen??

Wow.

What are they gonna tell me I need when I'm 50? I'm gonna need some sort of $100 bottle of 'Nearly Dead Recharge' or something. 'One Foot in the Grave Miracle Serum' for just $125, or 'Don't Even Think About Using Your Usual Cow Crap Shampoo Because Grim Death is Right Around the Corner' shampoo. Gees.

I'm thinking I'm gonna stick with my Aussie after this. Not a single person at the grocery store tells me I'm old. And instead of grim tales of old tired non-youthful hair on the bottle, there's a happy purple kangaroo. AND with the $41.50 savings, I'll start a fund for the face lift I'm going to need soon. I mean if my hair has lost the vitality & suppleness of youth, I shudder to think what's happening to my nearly 39-year-old face. :(