In which I whine some more about the latest crappy thing to come our way...

Friends and family have been asking me, "Sooooo, how is Derek's job search going? Any promising leads?"

Ummm...WHAT job search? He hasn't been able to even look for a job yet. Why, you ask? Because he has shingles. Yep. You heard me. Shingles.

Sigh.

Yes, Derek has a nasty nasty case of the shingles. The poor guy is in agony. I've never had them myself, but I can tell - they're HORRIBLY painful. He has them from his neck, all the way up the right side of his face to his right ear. He has them in his mouth, all over his cheeks and tongue, on his chin and neck, and even on TOP of his ear drum. He's in SUCH pain. His tongue is so swollen, he can't eat or drink or even talk. He has shooting pain all along the nerves of the right side of his face that radiate to his skull. AND he has a fever of about 103. Fun times.

So yeah. Obviously he can't look for a job until he's better. Even if he FELT better? He's contagious. So if he was lucky enough to get an interview, showing up and infecting the entire office with chicken pox would probably not bode well. So he's down for as long as 2 to 3 weeks.

So I'm holding down the fort again (still?) I get up at 4:00 am to feed and water the farm. Then I get ready for work, get the kids to daycare and me to work, work all day, come home feed and water the farm again, get dinner fixed and on the table, and collapse into bed to get up and do it all over again. Last night and the night before I was up all night with Derek. He's in SUCH pain. I feel so badly for him. I feel so badly for us.

Just when I think another thing couldn't possibly happen, it does. I just keep thinking...something good is going to happen soon. Sooner or later we're gonna catch a break. (Please Lord, make it sooner? I'm TIRED.)

I work at a Christian school. Every month we have 'character traits' that we focus on and teach the students. We post them in the hallways and classrooms. Even though school has let out for the summer, June's character trait, 'Meekness' is still up on the walls. I read it every time I walk down the hall. It reads, "Meekness: quietly and humbly accepting whatever God brings into my life."

So my prayer today, is help with embracing meekness. Lord? Help me with meekness. I'm not so good with this one.

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and she said that she loves coming to me for guidance. She said I've been through so much in my life already, that I give good advice, and that I have an interesting perspective on things. She said she has people in her life that seem 'perfect.' They have perfect lives, perfect kids, perfect jobs, or seem to, anyway. And those people aren't nearly as interesting to talk to, or nearly as knowledgeable on life. So she likes coming to me.

Wow, really? Ok. Well, if I make through this year, (after I get a T-shirt made that says, "I somehow made it through 2008 and lived to tell about it") I'm gonna hang out a shingle and offer advice. For a fee of course. Hey. I gotta pay the bills somehow.

Bleh

Life is....HARD right now.  Overwhelming.  I feel like I'm in a deep valley looking up at the top of a mountain wondering... HOW will I get up there again? 

But mostly I keep asking myself, "How did I get HERE?  What in the HECK happened?" 

But, just hearing myself say that irritates me.  I wanna grab myself and say, "What do you MEAN?  Were you NOT paying attention?  Were you just along for the ride?  Get your head in the game, will ya?  This is NOT a dress rehearsal.  There are no do-overs.  BUCK UP."

I know this makes no sense.  I guess I'm not ready to pour it all out here for all to see.  I'm not sure if I ever will be.  But if you're reading this, I humbly ask you to bow your head right now and say a quick prayer for me and my family.  Please.  I know you don't know the details.  But God does.

Even though this is going on, I know that I'm going to be ok on the other side of it.  I am scared, but at the same time I have peace that it's going to be ok.  I guess I'm scared of the ride.  More than likely it's going to be a rough one, and it's a matter of gearing up for that.

It's funny - I keep hearing the same verse over and over in my head:

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I am clinging to this verse.  When I pray?  This verse comes back.  It's my life vest right now.  I take such comfort knowing that SOMEONE has a plan.  SOMEONE knows how things will end up.  SOMEONE is in control.  Because I'm sure as HECK not.

Thanks for your prayers

BEYOND frustrated

Ok.  I am soooo mad right now.  And since I can't afford a therapist?  I will pour my frustrations out here for all to see.  (Lucky you.)

Today I went online to buy some make-up.  (I don't have time to run down to the mall, so thank God for clinique.com)  But, ummmmm...at check-out my credit card was declined.  I try again.  DECLINED.  Okaaaaay...

Knowing that I had PLENTY of credit available on this card, I call my credit card's 800 number, go through their little recording and option menu, and sure enough, there's plenty of credit available.  I press '0' and talk to my 'credit card account representative.'  They proceed to tell me that there's been some "suspicious activity" on my card, and they've locked it.

"Oh!  Ok.  That's good.  Well, so... what suspicious activity?" I ask.  They won't tell me.  They say I'm not the primary card holder.  My husband is.  Well, I'm his wife, and I need to know what suspicious activity is on my card.  She tells me to go online and check the account balance and activity online.

So I hang up.  I go online, and.... I can't log in...my online account has been locked...because of SUSPICIOUS activity.  DUH.

I call back.  I explain that I can't get into my online account.  They tell me - that's right.  Because of suspicious activity.  REALLY?  Ok.  Well, I NEED TO KNOW what this activity is so I can tell you if it's SUSPICIOUS OR NOT.  And yes, I REALIZE MY HUSBAND IS THE PRIMARY ACCOUNT HOLDER.  But he's in a meeting now, and cannot be reached.  They agree to temporarily unlock the online account.

I hang up.  I go online to see my account.  I log in, and everything looks... fine.  !!  What the HECK?

I call back and explain that I've looked at the account and everything looks legitimate.  They proceed to tell me that's because they didn't put through the suspicious charges.  They won't show up online, because they're SUSPICIOUS and didn't go through. 

ARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Ok.  *deep breath*  That's fine.  But I NEED TO KNOW THESE CHARGES.  How can we resolve this?  They tell me that the primary card holder, my husband, needs to call.

Alright.  Sigh.  Fine.

I call my husband and get him out of his meeting.  I explain the situation.  HE calls the credit card company.  The person on the line BARELY speaks English, and he cannot make heads or tails of any of the conversation.  He finally hangs up out of frustration.

He calls back.  THIS time, he understands the person, BUT since there has been so many inquiries on our account, they have suspended further inquiries.  (DUH!!! IT'S BEEN US TRYING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS!!)

My husband is now fuming as much as I am.  He calls BACK AGAIN.  This time, he refuses to hang up until someone helps him.  He's passed around to various 'managers' some English speaking, and some not.  FINALLY someone helps him.  They list off the charges.  Sure enough, they are not legitimate.  There are about 100 of them in a span of 2 days, and they're all online gaming type sites.  So finally, they allow my husband to file a fraudulent claim, and end up canceling the card. 

Finally.

And it only took up 2 hours of my day (and almost that much of my husband's.)

And I still don't have my makeup ordered. 

Thursday Woes...

So this morning on the way to work, inexplicably, the windshield wipers on my practically new Suburban were stuck on HIGH.  I mean stuck on SUPER, WHIPPING BACK AND FORTH, HYPER SPEED, high.  I live in the Seattle area, so ordinarily this wouldn't be a problem.  But today?  It's supposed to be near 80 degrees and NO RAIN in the forecast.  Of course.  And, there certainly wasn't a single raindrop falling from the sky onto my windshield for the entire 35 minutes it takes me to commute from my house to school. 

But, from the moment I left my driveway, the wipers went into high gear and stayed there.  No amount of fiddling with the knob, stopping/restarting the car, slapping the dashboard, or cursing would alleviate this problem.  Have you ever heard wipers on dry glass?  On high speed?  It's a sound akin to fingernails on chalkboards. 

When we got into town, and I would stop at stoplights, the screeching must have been deafening for the pedestrians on the sidewalk.  I draw this conclusion, because these people were covering their ears and glaring in our direction with a look of horror on their faces.  The part I find amusing though, is that many people would try and get my attention and motion that my windshield wipers were on HIGH and that it WASN'T RAINING.  And it was an ANNOYING sound, and would I turn them OFF?

Oh REALLY??  My windshield wipers are ON?  Really. And this ANNOYS you??  Thank you SO much for letting me know.  Because I NEVER would have noticed!  The SHRIEKING noise?  Oh - I wasn't aware of it.  Especially since I've spent THE LAST 35 MINUTES TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON MY DRIVING and not GOUGE MY EARS OUT with whatever I could find to alleviate the EXTREMELY GRATING SCHREECHING noises coming from my windshield SIX INCHES from my face.

*deep breath*

ANYway.

In other (more cheerful) news...this week is 'Staff Appreciation Week' at our school.  Now, ordinarily this means that parents will give teachers and other staff, including me a MUG filled with candy.  (This is like the default gift for teachers.  Ever notice that?  I wonder why that is.  Who came up with the mug idea?)  As a result, teachers and the rest of us end up with 3945789827345 mugs by the end of the year. Not that we don't appreciate being remembered.  But PEOPLE.  Let's try and be a little more creative.  The MUG idea has been EXHAUSTED.  Let's MOVE ON.

And side note?  To the person that gave me a mug with a picture of YOUR kids on the front?  Ummmm, let me say that I'm not even sure if I want a mug with MY kids on the front.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE kids.  That's why I work here.  But, I see enough of your kids when they pee their pants, vomit on the library floor, and need splinters taken out.  I don't need their picture splashed on the front of a mug so that I may gaze at them while I have my morning coffee.  I'm sorry if this bursts your bubble.  But please.  A nice card next time would be lovely.

Anyway, I said ORDINARILY Staff Appreciation Week means just mugs filled with candy.  But today?  Parents got together, gathered donations and gifts from other parents, and have come up with DINNER!  For the entire staff!  Tonight we have DINNER taken care of!  Isn't that wonderful?!  I LOVE this idea.  On our way out the door tonight after work, all we have to do is stop by the kitchen, and pick up our dinner - for us AND our families!  Yay.  THANK YOU, parents! 

So on my way home tonight, I will have a smile on my face (despite the screeching windshield wipers...) knowing that I don't have to cook tonight!!  THAT beats a mug any day of the week.

Why This Mother Hates Mother's Day

**Warning** This post is filled with incessant whining, complaining, and general grumbling. If you're in a chipper bubbly mood, and you don't want to be dragged down by my ceaseless whimpering, now would be a good time to move on. (Hey. This is my blog and I can whine if I want to.)

Ok, so you know how I devoted a whole post on why I hate Secretary's Day? Well, that's NOTHING. Now you get to hear why I loath Mother's Day. Oh, lucky you.

First, some background. My parents are divorced and both remarried. My husband's parents are ALSO divorced, and his dad is remarried. Are you following along? That makes FOUR (count 'em) mothers to worry about on Mother's Day. AND, they all live in this state. AND, they all think, no....they EXPECT that we spend Mother's Day with them. Sigh. (Well, no - slight exaggeration...really, my step-mom is perfectly content with a card, so really, THREE mothers expecting that we drop everything and spend the day pampering them.)

I usually spend my Mother's Day madly cleaning and cooking for one of the above-mentioned mothers. And, no matter what, we end up ticking off a mother on Mother's Day. Because if we choose one mother to have over, the rest will feel left out and mad. So we end up doing something on the Saturday BEFORE Mother's Day for some other above-mentioned mother. I tell ya - I end up exhausted by the end of Mother's Day weekend. Exhausted AND frustrated, because the one left out ends up mad at us for not doing something for them. We deal with this EVERY year. (I think the only person that hates Mother's Day more than me, would be husband. For all these reasons PLUS he gets to listen to ME every year...)

You're probably thinking...why don't have all the mothers over and have a big brunch for all of them? Nope. Can't do that. They're divorced, remember? No one wants to spend Mother's Day with their x-spouse and the new wife. (I don't blame them.)

Or maybe you're thinking that I need to be grateful that I HAVE 4 mothers still around to have over on Mother's Day. Yeah, I know. And I am. Really. I know I will miss all of them some day. (And that guilty feeling will probably overcome me and ruin future Mother's Days.)

Or I know - you're thinking - hey! Those mothers put in their time for a lot of years. They deserve pampering. Yes, you're right, and they do. But in my opinion, so do mothers that are in the throes of motherhood! Am I wrong? The mothers that are up all night with sick kids. The mothers that shuttle their kids to school, sports, activities. The mothers that are trying to be the best mother they can be AND work outside the home. Or the mothers that stay home FULL TIME and have sacrificed to do so for their children. I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the idea. THESE are the mothers that Mother's Day should be about. These mothers - the ones that selflessly take care of others all year long need ONE day a year for them.

You know what? JUST ONCE, I would like to do something on Mother's Day for meeeeee. I would like to go out to a nice brunch with my husband and kids. And do it GUILT-FREE. This would be heaven for me. Then I would love to come home and sit around leisurely. Or work in the garden. Or take a quiet walk. And not have to cook or clean for anyone! Just ONE day I would love to do this. But alas, this will not happen anytime soon.

Why am I bringing all of this up NOW, in April when Mother's Day is next month? Well, because my husband's sister has announced that her kids are going to be baptized. Which is WONDERFUL! I am thrilled. And I ADORE my niece and nephew. But, guess which day she's picked for this lovely occasion? May 11th. Mother's Day. She wanted them to be baptized on her 'special day' (Mother's Day.) Which, I agree, is nice. BUT, it's also my special day. And every other mother that has to go's 'special day'. And this sister lives 1 1/2 hours away. So on Mother's Day THIS year, we will be getting up at the crack of dawn. I will be getting three children ready for church in the wee hours of the morning, and we will be on the road with three sleepy grumpy kids. And with the ceremony and reception afterwards, won't get home until late afternoon or evening.

Another Mother's Day down the tubes. The only good part? Two of the above-mentioned mothers will probably be at the baptism also. So I will only tick off MY mother this year. So there's your silver lining in the rain cloud.

Sigh. I TOLD you this post would be nothing but whining. But I'm done now. And it felt good to let it all out. And now I will put my happy face BACK on and buck up.

But before I do, let me say this: I am paying attention. I am taking notes and I will remember. When MY kids are all grown up? When MY daughter is a mother? I will make sure SHE gets pampered. And my sons? I will will make sure they pamper their wives when they are in the throes of motherhood. THAT's the real silver lining.