How Do You Handle Panhandling?

Yesterday when I stopped for gas, I was panhandled.

Does this ever happen to you? I know when you live or work downtown, panhandling is just a part of life. But, I live in a small town. I don't encounter homeless people. I don't get panhandled. This isn't something I'm used to.

I stopped for gas in an area that I don't normally stop. I was by myself. An overweight Native American man came up to me while I was outside my car pumping gas. He smelled of beer and cigarettes and body odor. His hair was long and greasy and unclean. He had very few teeth. I was instantly extremely uncomfortable.

'Scuse me, Ma'am. Could you spare some change?

I said what came to my mind first. My first instinct. No. I'm sorry I don't.

And that was it. He moved on down the sidewalk.

I was bothered by this the rest of the day. Why did I turn him down? Sure, I had spare change. I could have gotten my purse from the front seat and given him money. Why didn't I? I don't know. Maybe I turned him down because I didn't feel safe. I was by myself. I didn't know what he would do if I got out my purse. Would he snatch it and run? Maybe I turned him down because I knew he'd go buy alcohol with it. Maybe.

But I have to be honest with myself. I have to truly say I turned him down because I didn't want to be bothered. He was unpleasant to look at, to smell, to think about, to be bothered by. I turned him down because I wanted him to go away. That's hard to say out loud. It made me feel ashamed and guilty.

We call ourselves Christians. So, what is our obligation to homeless people? People that panhandle on the streets? We're supposed to help the poor. Have you read Matthew 25:35-36? Jesus told his disciples that when they feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, provide shelter for the homeless, clothe the naked, nurse the sick, and visit the imprisoned, they are actually doing these things for Him. Think about that! We're serving Jesus when we help the poor.

I remember recently we had a sermon at church about helping the poor and serving the needy. The fact that has stuck in my mind is what our pastor said - The Bible contains more than 300 verses on the poor, and God's deep concern for them. Wow - 300 verses!

Maybe if I had given this guy $5, I would have felt less guilty, but would I have helped him? Probably not. He already smelled of alcohol. Chances are he would have taken that money to buy more beer. So what do we do?

I have a friend that had business cards printed up that list every location nearby where someone can receive food or help. When she gets panhandled, she gives the person one of these cards and prays for them. I once saw someone downtown hand out McDonald's meals and coupons to the homeless. There's a group at our church that volunteers at local soup kitchens and food pantries. These are all great ideas.

So maybe I dismissed the homeless man that approached me at the gas station. And maybe you could argue that I was right in not giving him money. But that homeless man reminded me that I need to reflect Christ's love to those in need. Even unpleasant unclean people. That man is a child of God just like me. He's a sinner in need of redemption just like me. I need to be in prayer for him and people like him.

And this man reminded me that I need to find ways to give of my time and/or money to those services that help the needy.

Because that is what Christ has asked of me.

Ch-ch-ch-Changes

It's been over a month since we found out that my husband was losing his job.  And so far?  No interviews or promising leads for either of us.  :( 

For me, I think it hurts tremendously that I've been out of Microbiology for 10 years.  (TEN YEARS?! Really??  Wow.)  I took time off to be home my kids.  I wouldn't trade that time for ANYTHING.  So I certainly do not have regrets.  But it sure doesn't help matters now.

And, It's like everyone around here is running scared.  There's been some major companies here that have announced layoffs.  So for now, employers seem to be holding off hiring or even looking for new people for fear that they will just need to be layed off. 

That's not such good news. 

So, we've decided to expand the search nationally.  My husband is now applying to jobs all over.  As much as we DO NOT have to move, we may have to.  A firm in Anchorage was very interested in him. (Alaska?  Nooooooo thank you.  I was born and lived there for 17 years.  It's a beautiful and it was a wonderful place to grow up, but I have no desire to move back.)  Things seem to be hopping (at least they're hiring Civil Engineers) in Texas, California and Colorado.  So we'll see.  We could be on the verge of many more changes.  I am trying to think of it as us on the verge of an adventure!

But, this is HARD for me.  It's difficult to have everything still up in the air.  I find myself still clinging to one of my favorite verses:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jer. 29:11

I am THANKFUL, so very thankful that there is a plan for us.  I don't know what this is yet, but God does.  And I thank Him everyday for that.

Weathering the Showers

I get a daily devotional in my email box every day. This was today's. I LOVE this one. I've already read it several times. It's so applicable to my life right now...LOVE it.

"The Water Garden, by Claude Monet, is one of my favorite paintings. You will find the original in an impressionist museum, de l'Orangerie, in Paris. It is painted in the round and hangs in a circular room. When you stand in the center of the room you are completely engulfed in a luxuriant water garden!

My print, hanging over the desk in my office, is only a small representation of the delightful, full-scale original. If you study the painting, one of the surprises you will find is that the major part of the canvas is covered in dark shades of black, blue and green. These rather drab colors stand in stark contrast to the delicate pastels. Actually, they serve to highlight the beautiful florals, which appear rich and striking upon the deep, dark waters. At first glance, your eyes are drawn to the colorful petals; then you realize that Monet painted the dark tones to enhance the lighter.

Monet's painting has much to remind me about the water garden of my life, and of its Artist. First, it encourages me that there is a purpose and design to my life, and that perhaps, at times, I focus too exclusively on the darker portions of my painting.

It also reminds me that my Lord, the Artist of my life, has intentionally allowed the blue, green, and yes, sometimes even the gray and black hues to be brushed on my canvas for a reason. God uses these shadows to make my life richer. Often, when I look back on difficulties, I can see, now, his handiwork creating a brilliance of color and beauty from the pain and suffering. The Artist uses a multitude of techniques in our lives to help us become the people He created us to be.

Finally, I am reminded that just like the water lilies in Monet's masterpiece, God keeps the leaves and petals afloat through the muck, wind and rain that are part of the storms of life. Water gardens survive April showers and worse, and I will too, by God's help and grace." ~by Beth Donigan Seversen

I STILL have goose bumps

I had a total God moment today. At the grocery store. And I know I'll never be the same.

Cole and I were standing in the check-out line. I was in a terrible mood. My back was killing me. I injured it a couple of days ago hauling feed sacks, and it was throbbing. I was mentally going over each item in my grocery cart trying to discern if we really needed it. (Since my husband lost his job, this is what I do. Do we NEED that? Can we do without the expensive salad dressing? Peanut butter? We can do without that, can't we? Can we manage without those crackers? How 'bout the coffee? UM HELLO? No. WE NEED THE COFFEE.) Anyhoo, I'm doing this with each item in the cart, and I'm ticked that I have to do this in the first place.

Then I hear the most beautiful humming behind me. Actually, it was half humming half singing. (I couldn't place the song then, but I later figured out it was "On My Knees" by Nicole C. Mullen. Ironically - my new favorite singer!) So I turned around to see a girl in her mid-twenties or so. She was going through a wad of food stamps, only pausing to stroke her son's hair who's sitting in her cart. Her son looked to be about 5. And he had Down's Syndrome. The woman was smiling and humming and stroking her son's head. And smiling and thumbing through food stamps. I smiled, too, and turned back around to look at Cole.

And Cole, wise beyond his years at the age of 8 says to me, simply, "Mom? You need to buy her groceries."

There were 2 things that struck me right then as he said that. #1: To my knowledge, Cole does not have a clue what food stamps are. He's never seen them. He had no reason to believe that this woman and her son were struggling worse than we were... financially and in other ways maybe too. And #2? I had the very same thought right at the moment Cole said those words.

I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed to buy her groceries. I did. It hit me as soon as I saw her and her sweet son. God wanted me to buy her groceries. He wanted me to do it now, and there was no question.

This doesn't happen to me very often. When I come to a crossroads, and there is more than one path to travel, I don't usually know - I mean really KNOW - which way is God's will. I pray and pray, but rarely is there a clear answer. I realize that many times there is more than one right way. And I know that most times I figure out later that the path I choose was indeed God's will. But it's not usually a crystal clear thing for me. You know?

But today, there was absolutely zero room for interpretation. I knew. My job was to buy this woman's groceries. And so I did. Even though I didn't know where the money was coming from. Even though there is nothing coming in. Even though I pinch pennies at every turn to provide for my own family. Even though all of that - I still did.

The funny part was afterwards, as she was thanking me profusely, it was like, she also knew I was supposed to buy her groceries. It was as if we both knew, and she was just so thankful that I listened.

As we were walking out of the store, I had the most incredible feeling. It was like we were part of a much bigger plan. God used me! - little insignificant ME to carry out something He needed done. I felt honored and proud! And it was overwhelming and incredible and wonderful.

And then Cole said to me, "Mom? When God needs us to do something, we're just supposed to drop our other plans and listen. Right? Today we listened."

Yep. That's right. Exactly right. Today we listened. And, I'll never be the same.

I can be in a crowd,
or by myself.
and almost anywhere,
when I feel, there's a need
to talk with God, he is Emmanuel,
when I close my eyes,
no darkness there
there's only light.

I get on my knees
I get on my knees
there I am before the Love that changes me
see I don't know how, but there's power
in the blue sky
in the midnight
when I’m on my knees
I get on my knees
I get on my knees
and there I am before the Love that changes me
See I don't know how, but there's power
when I’m on my ooh,
when I’m on my,
When I'm on my knees.

~ Nicole C. Mullen's "On My Knees"

Women of Faith

Friday night and all day Saturday, I went to the Women of Faith conference. I have to admit - I was a little nervous. I didn't know what to expect. I was hoping it wasn't going to be a bunch of superficial-let's-all-hug-and-instantly-become-best-friends sort of thing.

(Because to be honest? I've been to women's retreats like that. And yeah....Ick. Not my cup of tea. You know what I mean...let's all go around the room and share our deepest most sacred secret. And then make a joke or two about PMS and chocolate cravings. And pretend not only that none of us have brains, but that we're all the same and part of a special sisterhood now. Bleh.) Ha ha - yeah I guess I was pretty cynical, wasn't I? Heh.

But anyhoo. This conference was nothing like that. It was good. It really really was. My tank was EMPTY. Running on FUMES. But the speakers and the music...just really filled me up. I could feel Jesus' presence in the people there, in the messages, and it helped me. I'm sooooo very glad I went. I think I'll go next year, too!

I really enjoyed all the speakers and just loved the music. But the singer whom I now love? After hearing her sing, and learning about the things she does? Nicole C. Mullen. This girl is totally incredible. Not only is her voice just... amazing, but the ministries she's involved with are awe-inspiring. Her main passion is working to help free the Trokosi slaves held captive in Ghana, West Africa. She didn't talk much about that, so I've been googling and researching to find out more...

But also, for about the last 13 years or so, she has been heading up a mentor program, called the Baby Girls Club. She takes these inner-city youth, and teaches them, guides them, and ministers to them...and they go on tour with her! They go on stage and dance and sing with her! They also quote memorized scripture and they share their newfound faith.

It was amazing. I teared up a few times (Yeah, shutup. Doesn't take much) watching the happiness on these girls' faces as they danced and sang up there with Nicole C. Mullen. So very cool. These kids are never going to forget this experience! It was just so inspiring. She made me want to reach outside myself and look beyond me. Beyond my little world.

So anyway. My weekend was awesome. Hope yours was, too.

It will be ok.

Whew!  The last few days have been a blur.  Sooo many things going on.  But, my husband is home from the hospital, and he's healing nicely.

I'm not sure which is harder - being the person having surgery, or being the person sitting in the waiting room waiting for the person having surgery.  Both are tough.

Anyway, sitting in the waiting room all those hours was...interesting.  It was a crowded waiting room, with lots of worried anxious people.  There were probably 20 people there.  Most everyone had a friend or a family member waiting with them, but there was another lady, besides me that was waiting alone.  She sat down right beside me and smiled.  I'm not one to talk to strangers.  I'm usually quiet and reserved, and yes - shy.  But, this lady began talking to me, and it felt so right and comfortable.

Her name was Marion.  She looked to be in her late 60's, but I later found out she was 82.  Mostly, we passed the time with small talk.  I learned that she had lived in the Seattle area all of her life.  She and her husband Walt had just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary!  Walt was having hernia surgery that day.

After about 45 minutes of chatting with Marion, she looked at me with her kind deep blue eyes, and said, "If you don't mind me saying, young lady, you look like you have the weight of the world resting on your shoulders. There's something besides your husband's surgery you're thinking about, isn't there?"

I smiled, and answered,  "Yes, there is.  I'm sitting here in the quiet of this room without the distractions of work or my kids, and I'm left thinking and praying about this huge mountain I have to climb."

And then Marion, this kind, beautiful, wise woman I had just met, took my hand in hers.  She looked at me with those incredible eyes - I kept thinking they looked like little swimming pools.  They were sooo blue!  She said, "I've learned a lot in my 82 years. Some the easy way, and some the not-so-easy way.  But there's one important thing you need to know.  Whatever this is - facing you right now, you WILL BE OK on the other side.  You WILL be ok.  But, you need to pay attention.  You need to keep your heart open.  You need to learn what you're supposed to learn.  Because one day, God will put a hurting person in your path, like He did for me today.  And you will get to use your wisdom to guide this person.  This mountain?  It's there for you to climb.  The tears and sweat and pain required to climb it will be used later.  Pay attention!"

And she squeezed my hand.  And I cried.  And she smiled and she teared up with me.  We didn't say much after that.  But when Walt came out of surgery, before she got up, she gave me a hug and told me again, "It will be ok." 

I know it will.  I know it will be ok.

Today I Will Make a Difference

by Max Lucado

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.

I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… I will get up. It’s OK to fail… I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.

I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.

Today I will make a difference.

From Shaped by God
© Tyndale House Publishers, 2002

Gifts come in interesting packages sometimes

Today, during chapel, a third grader got up and came over to me at the back of the gym.  This kid is a very quiet studious little guy.  He whispered to me that he thought he was sick and needed to call his mom.  So I whispered back, "What's wrong?"

Him:  "I think I might have the plague."

Ha ha.  I almost laughed.  It would have been much funnier, except this kid was dead serious.  And very worried about himself.  I found out later that the third grade has been studying the plague in history.

Me:  "Don't worry, buddy.  I'm positive you don't have the plague."

Him:  "How can you be sure?  I really don't feel good."

Me:  "Trust me.  There hasn't been a case of the plague in this country for a long long time."

Him:  "Ok, well then it's West Nile."

Me:  "The West Nile Virus?  No, really.  I don't think you have anything like that."

Him:  "But you can't be absolutely positive.  I feel dizzy and sick."

Me:  "Were you playing on the tire swing at recess maybe?"

Him:  "Yes, actually I was. I was spinning around.  And that's when I starting feeling sick."

Me:  "Ok.  Well I'm thinking that's why you're feeling dizzy.  Spinning around on a tire swing will do that."

Him:  Still not convinced  "But you really don't KNOW for sure.  There has to be some sort of test to make sure I don't have those diseases."

Me:  "Ok, tell you what.  I'm going to hold up some fingers and you tell me how many you see...."

Him:  "I see 4 fingers..."

Me:  "Ok!!!  There ya go.  You're right.  People with the plague or West Nile Virus would have said 5.  You're FINE, buddy!  Go back and sit down with your class.  You're gonna be just fine!"

Him:  "WHEW!  What a RELIEF!!"

 

Yeah, I probably shouldn't have lied to him.  But I soooo wanted to comfort him.  I wanted him to STOP worrying.  There are so many other things he needs to focus on.  Worrying about whether he has a disease or not is not one of those things.  (And also?  I could relate to this kid.  I am a worrier.  I may not worry whether I have a disease or whatever, but I tend to worry about stuff.  And this kid reminded myself of meeeee.)

Anyway.

Right there during chapel, I started thinking....I bet God does that.  I bet He sits up in heaven and watches us worry about things and I bet it seems ridiculous to Him, just like this kid worrying about the plague seemed ridiculous to me.  I bet God wants to go - "Hey!  Will you STOP?  I am in control.  You have so many other things you need to be doing.  So many things I have planned for you.  You have things I want you to focus on right now.  And worrying about things you have NO control over is NOT one of them!" 

So yeah.  This little West Nile plague kid gave me a gift this morning.  And since I have some struggles I'm dealing with right now, it was given just at the right time. 

Bleh

Life is....HARD right now.  Overwhelming.  I feel like I'm in a deep valley looking up at the top of a mountain wondering... HOW will I get up there again? 

But mostly I keep asking myself, "How did I get HERE?  What in the HECK happened?" 

But, just hearing myself say that irritates me.  I wanna grab myself and say, "What do you MEAN?  Were you NOT paying attention?  Were you just along for the ride?  Get your head in the game, will ya?  This is NOT a dress rehearsal.  There are no do-overs.  BUCK UP."

I know this makes no sense.  I guess I'm not ready to pour it all out here for all to see.  I'm not sure if I ever will be.  But if you're reading this, I humbly ask you to bow your head right now and say a quick prayer for me and my family.  Please.  I know you don't know the details.  But God does.

Even though this is going on, I know that I'm going to be ok on the other side of it.  I am scared, but at the same time I have peace that it's going to be ok.  I guess I'm scared of the ride.  More than likely it's going to be a rough one, and it's a matter of gearing up for that.

It's funny - I keep hearing the same verse over and over in my head:

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I am clinging to this verse.  When I pray?  This verse comes back.  It's my life vest right now.  I take such comfort knowing that SOMEONE has a plan.  SOMEONE knows how things will end up.  SOMEONE is in control.  Because I'm sure as HECK not.

Thanks for your prayers

Helping those who need AND want it!

Ok, so we all know that teachers don't make much money. And at private schools (at least the private school where I work) they make JACK SQUAT. (FYI - that's my new favorite saying...JACK SQUAT. I say it as often as I can.)

ANYway, most teachers at my school are married, and so even though they don't make much, they're able to combine it with their spouse's income, and be ok. But there are a few single teachers here, and for them, it's very tough to make rent and all the rest of their bills. With rising gas prices and food bills, it's nearly impossible.

There's one single teacher in particular that really struggles. She's young - in her early 20's, and just got her first apartment. She resorts to eating top ramen and mac & cheese because she just can't afford anything else. She owns one dress, and she wears it every Friday for chapel. She doesn't participate with the other teachers when they chip in for take-out because she literally does not have the money. Sometimes she has to borrow money for gas because she simply doesn't have the money to fill up her tank to get home from work. But I never hear her complaining! She seems to be happy working here because she is sure she is making a difference in the lives of the children here. And I know she is.

Ok, so in all my wisdom, I decided last week that I would help this teacher. So, I put a grocery store gift card in her mailbox here at school. I did this because I wanted to help! I was sure she would be blessed by this gift of mine. I didn't put my name...I wanted to remain anonymous. (Well, it's not really anonymous now that I'm telling the entire Internet, but I'm telling you not to toot my own horn, but because I'm about to make a point. Really I am.) Anyway, I wanted to help her buy some decent groceries for once. To take a break from top ramen and get something GOOD!

Alrighty. Well, my plan backfired. She came to me in the office yesterday and asked, "Do you know who put this gift card in my box?"

I said, "I'm sure it's someone who knew you've been struggling lately and wanted to help!"

And she said, "Well, please tell that person thank you, but no thanks. It makes me sad that I appear to be struggling. I'm really not. I appreciate that someone wanted to help me. That's really sweet. But I'm excited to be out on my own, and I want make my own way. I don't want to appear ungrateful. But there are a lot of people that don't even have a roof over their head or a job to go to every day. Please tell the person that gave me this gift card to please help them! Help someone who is truly struggling in this world. That would be make me happy."

Wow.

It's all in perspective, isn't it?!

Not everyone that we perceive as "struggling" wants help. I completely respect that! And from now on, I will try and figure out if the want is there before I give to someone who I think must need the help.

By the way, I took this teacher's advice! I used the money and made a loan to an entrepreneur on KIVA.

Strivin' For That Mustard Seed

I'm pretty sure I have the flu.  Ugh.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was sitting at my desk at school yesterday afternoon.  Suddenly, I realized my throat hurt like crazy.  So I got up to get a throat lozenge, and BAM.  The shakes, the headache, the body aches...came on with a vengeance.  My boss walked by right about then and said, "Ummm, you look terrible.  Go home."

I suppose it was inevitable.  We had 25%, or close to it absent at our school the week before last.  Out with the flu.  Both my son and my daughter had it.  Now it's my turn.  Oh joy.

So I got home yesterday.  My husband called and said he was working late.  "Please come home as soon as you can," I begged.  "I'm pretty sure I'm sick."  He promised to wrap a few things up and get home soon.  I then called and PLEADED with our local pizza place to PLEASE come out and deliver to us.  (That's one downfall to living in the country - no one will deliver.)  But this place came through for me, and I tipped BIG.  (Thank you, Frankie's Pizza.  You have a loyal customer for life.)  But the poor delivery guy basically threw the pizza in through the door and ran. I caught a reflection of myself in the mirror later and realized I looked like death warmed over.

So dinner was handled.  And, as soon as my husband got home at 7:00 or so, I went to BED.  Even the sheets hurt my skin.  Body aches SUCK I tell ya.  Later, when I got up for a drink of water and more ibuprofen at what I thought was the wee hours of the morning (but was really 8:30 that same night) I heard my kids in Lexi's room.  They were all in there praying together.

Dear Lord,

Help Mom PLEASE.  She's sick.  She's never gone to bed before us EVER so I'm pretty sure she's very very sick.  Heal her.  And whatever you do, don't let her die.  She's our mom and she needs to stay here and take care of us.  She's the only one that makes our lunches right.  And the only one that knows how we like our pancakes cooked.  And Daddy would be so sad without her.  Heal her QUICK, Lord.

In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Ooooh man.  I welled up when I heard that sweet prayer!  I made a mental note to talk to the kids in the morning to ease their fears.  No one was dying.  I was just sick.

So this morning that's what I did.  I called them in our room, and explained that I just had the flu.  I tried to reassure them by telling them that I seemed a lot sicker than I was.  I was going to be fine.  I just needed to rest for a few days.  Daddy would take over for me during that time, and everything would be fine.

They listened to me politely, and then Gage said, "Uhhh Mom?  You need to stop worrying so much.  We know you're going to be fine.  We prayed together last night and gave the whole thing over to God.  Everything is going to be ok, Mom."  And then all three went outside to ride bikes, climb trees, and lasso pigs. 

Ok then.  Wow.  I realized then, even in my flu-induced haze, that these kids have amazing faith.  I need to take a lesson from them!  I don't always have the faith they do.  In fact, I don't even have a fraction of that kind of faith sometimes.  I need to have faith like a child! 

I know these are taken slightly out of context, but I was reminded of these verses:

Mark 10:15

"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Matthew 18:4

"Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

 

So there ya have it.  My deep thought for the day.  And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my kleenex, my hot tea, and my cat and go off to bed again.  Hope you all have a better weekend than I'm having.

A Tale of 2 Boys...and of a Mother's Tears

First, a tale of two boys:

BOY #1: There is a 10-year old boy that just started at our school this week. His name is Mark, and he's in 4th grade. His story is very sad. He has lived in Texas all of his life. His mom got sick, was on life support for a bit, and then tragically, died last week leaving Mark an orphan. His half-sister (a grown woman) who'd he only met a handful of times, went down to Texas to bury her mother. She soon realized that her half-brother Mark had no one left in this world. So this sister, a single parent, took Mark back to this state to live with her and her 5-year old son. This 5-year old is a student here at our school, so she enrolled Mark here, as well.

Mark started school Monday, which also happened to be his 10th birthday. As you can imagine, he's a very sad boy. He's very quiet and shy. He doesn't interact with the other kids. He doesn't play at recess. He's a very heartbroken, defeated, overwhelmed little boy.

Boy #2: This is my boy, my 7-year old son, Cole. If you've read my blog before, you probably know that Cole is a goof-ball. Unlike my older two children, Cole is not a Rule Follower. (Remember the Butt Crack song? That's just a taste of Cole's antics.) Cole is the source of many a gray hair on my head (and lots more to come, I'm sure.) He tends to get in trouble at school. Not terrible trouble. He doesn't do malicious things. He just.....likes to entertain. He will risk getting in trouble for a few laughs. Not many people know that Cole also has a heart of gold. Under all that goofiness, he's very sweet.

Ok, so back to Boy #1, Mark. As you can imagine, we pray for Mark at home. A lot. I have a tender spot for him, and several times a day, I put my work at school on hold, and go and check on Mark. I usually find him alone and lost in his own thoughts. Considering everything he has been through just in the last couple of weeks, he's doing pretty well, but still, he's very very sad.

So yesterday, apparently, Cole wrote Mark a note and gave it to him at recess. (Keep in mind that Cole is a 2nd grader, and Mark, a 4th grader.) Mark was thrilled with the note and told his teacher about it. The teacher did not see the note & misunderstood why Mark was telling her about it. She thought he was upset, so wanting to protect Mark, she told Cole's teacher. Cole's teacher also incorrectly assumed that this must not be a good note, and she told the principal.

I found out about all of this when the story reached the principal. (Still, only a story. An incorrect story. With no note to back it up.) My heart broke in two. I was so sad and disappointed that the automatic assumption was that this note must be mean, without even seeing it, or talking to Mark or Cole. So, I tracked down this elusive note and read it for myself.

Now comes a Mother's tears.

Here is Cole's note, word for word:

Dear Mark,
Well I was just wondering if we can be frends because you are new here and it is your second day right? You don't seem like you have much frends so I want to be your new freind. Pretend it is yesterday so I can say Happy Birthday! You are speshal to me and did you know also to Jesus? I want to play with you at recess. Meet me on the playground and we'll play a fun game I know ok? I can't wait to start being your freind.

Your New Second Grade Freind,
Cole

Yes, I tell you, tears streamed down my face as I read this beautiful little note. What a wonderful way to reach out to this boy. If only people could see Cole the way that I do. If only they could see this generous act of kindness offered to a despairing boy that needed it so.

Today I heard that now Cole and Mark have started playing. And the recess teachers tell me that for the first time, Mark has started smiling. He is excited to play with his New Second Grade Friend.

Later, after composing myself, I told Cole how so very proud I am of him. I told him how special this note was to Mark, and what a wonderful thing he did to reach out and make a friend with this new boy.

Cole was confused. He didn't understand why I even brought it up. To him, this note was a no-brainer.

He said, "But Mom. I have Jesus in my heart. This is what you do when you have Jesus in your heart. You help people that are hurting."

And the tears began flowing again.

An Easter Prayer

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the gift of HOPE
You gave us on Easter morning. Because of You we know that no problem is too difficult, and even death does not have power over us.

Thank you for the gift of JOY
You gave us when you were resurrected. Because of You we know that no matter how challenging life may be, in the end we will rejoice again.

Thank you for the gift of LOVE
You gave us when You laid down Your life. Because of You we know that there is no sin too great to seperate us and we are incredibly valuable to You.

Thank you for the gift of LIFE
You gave us when you left the tomb. Because of Easter we know this world is just the beginning and we will spend forever in heaven with You.

We celebrate you, JESUS
with hearts full of praise and gratitude for who You are and all You've done for us!

Amen. (written by Holley Gerth)

Please take a few minutes and watch this video from You Tube:

This clip illustrates in a powerful way how the sacrifice of Jesus must have completely broken the heart of God the Father - and how Easter should also include a time of expressing our gratitude not only to Jesus, but to the Father as well.

This clip is also more than just a video. It's actually based on the true story of a real man who made that exact sacrifice.

This week over a billion people will celebrate Easter. We celebrate the fact that Jesus Christ came back from the dead after paying the ultimate price for our sins. We celebrate the fact that salvation is available through trusting in the risen Savior of the world.

But even though we celebrate, sometimes we forget. There was more than one sacrifice that was made on that hill where Jesus hung on the Cross and poured out His life. Think of the sacrifice God the Father also made for us.

That's why this Easter we need to remember and celebrate not only the earthly side of the gospel message, but the heavenly side as well.

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8)

Happy Easter, everyone.

Shakin' Things Up

I'm pretty sure God has an incredible sense of humor. I really do. I think He sits up in heaven and finds ways to shake things up down here. And, I think that's why He gave me my son Cole.

Don't get me wrong. Cole is a wonderful boy and I love him dearly. Of all my kids? He's the one that has the warmest kindest heart. He's the one that loves to cuddle. He is the one that notices when I get a haircut, or a new pair of shoes, or whatever. And he loves Jesus with all his heart. Cole is really a delight in so many ways.

But my first two kids are Rule Followers. And Pleasers.... like their mother. I am the Queen of all Rule Followers.

My third one though - Cole? Yeah, not so much.

I remember one time when Cole was about three or so...My Dad was coming for a visit. I don't see my Dad much, so I wanted this visit to go perfectly. (Yeah, I know. Not possible. Especially with three little ones.) I prepared everything I could think of so things would go as smoothly as possible. I cleaned and cooked and got everything just so. My Dad wasn't used to being around little kids much, so I went over things with my kids - what manners they needed to practice, the way they could and couldn't act, blah blah blah.

So when my Dad came for his visit, things were going pretty well. Until it was time for all of us to get in the car and go into town. That's when Cole decided to sing a little song. Awwww, sounds lovely, doesn't it? A nice little song from a nice little sweet adorable 3-year-old boy.

Yeah. Except this song was about ... butt-cracks. You heard right. Butt-cracks.

"Butt-craaaaaaaaaaacks, oh butt-craaaaaaaacksssss.
You see them everywherrrrrre, butttttt-craaaaacksssssssss"

Oh, and this was not a short song. Oh no. This song had multiple stanzas. Like 403 stanzas or something. And remember, we live in a rural area. So the ride into town provided many creatures from which Cole pulled inspiration for his new song.

"Oh yeaaaah, butt-cracks on hoooooorrrrrses, butt-cracks on coooowsssss,
Even birdsssss and goatssss have buttttt-craaaaaaaaaaacks. Yesss theeeeeey doooooooo"

Mortifying.

Luckily my dad has a sense of humor, and thought the 45-minute Butt-Crack Song was hilarious.

But, my point is this: As much as I try to teach and guide my kids? They teach and guide me. Or rather, maybe I should say, God teaches and guides me through my kids. I sincerely believe that. I'm a person that likes things just so. I like things in order. My ducks need to be in a row.

God decided to shake things up. And gave me a child that, among many other things, sings about butt cracks at inappropriate times. (Not that I can think of an appropriate time to sing about butt-cracks. But anyway.)

It's not that I don't like things in order anymore. I do, believe me. But, I've learned to roll with things a little easier now. To not sweat the small stuff as much. To take things in stride. And most importantly - to laugh.

Cole reminds me of that every single day.

And then there was the time Cole mooned his entire Kindergarten class. Yeah. But that's a post for another day.

Ah-Ha

The other day I had a 'ding ding ding' moment. (Insert lightbulb here.) Oprah calls them 'Ah-Ha' moments. You know what I mean. And, I can't stop thinking about it.

There's a benefit for which I was seriously thinking of raising money and getting involved with. But, recently someone told me that this particular benefit event supports an organization that I don't... how should I say this.... Let's just say that this organization does things that I don't agree with. (I strongly disagree with...) As my friend RLG pointed out though, they also do many wonderful things. But I can't get past the other. (And keep in mind, it's only a rumor right now. Don't worry. I'm checking it out for myself. I'm waiting for a response from these people.)

ANYway (yeah, I know I ramble) I was talking to RLG (actually we were IM'ing each other) and something she said (typed) really made me think. She said something like, "Well it's real easy to jump on the bandwagon and protest the "sinners." But are YOU doing everything you can - to actually do what Jesus asks of you?" (Yeah, I know I butchered that. I can feel RLG cringing. She said it a lot more eloquently.)

But she made me think. It IS so easy to point the finger at what I think everyone else is doing wrong. I could say, yeah they're bad. Ooooh, look at them and how bad they are. And leave it at that.

That's easy.

BUT, what about me?

I could list all the things I think I'm doing to help the poor, the less fortunate, the disenfranchised. (That was my first reaction to RLG - to be defensive. To say, hey! Look at all the things I am doing.) But a list would be pointless. Because if I look at myself, I know that I am not doing everything I can. Not even close. (Are any of us?)

So yeah. If I find out that this benefit event supports the organization I don't agree with, I can't be a part of it. (On this, I believe RLG and I disagree.) I just will not throw money at something, and support what I'm opposed to. But I CAN and WILL do more of what I'm asked to do. What Jesus tells me to do. So thank you RLG! I appreciate the reminder. :)

(Ummm, but don't get too excited. I'm not gonna run out and become a democrat or anything. So don't go getting crazy and buy me an Obama shirt or something.)

It's All About the Win

So, I spent almost the entire day helping the kids with their Science Fair projects. There's a certain amount of pressure, because I am in charge of our school's Science Fair. So yeah, we can't have sucky projects.

So that being said, it's even more important that the kids do their own projects. I have to resist the urge to "help" them too much. (Why? Because I wrote the judging form. And a big part of the judging is that the kids did their own projects. It's painfully obvious when the moms and dads did the project but slapped the kid's name on it and called it good.)

Ok, so yesterday morning I told all three kids that they needed to come up with a Bible verse corresponding to their project. (Did I mention this was a Christian School? Yeah, so each project must have a Biblical application relating to it.) So later that morning, to my amazement, the kids had not only followed directions, BUT they had each found a pretty good Biblical application to their projects! My oldest did a project on bees and how they protect their queen and how during the wintertime their job is to keep her warm and fed. So his verse was about honoring your father and mother, just like the bees honor their queen (Exodus 20:12.) Wow! Good one. My daughter's project is on hair color and how that relates to it's strength. So she had a whole thing written out about Samson and his hair, but how really our strength comes from God. (We're on a roll now! My heart was swelling!!) Ok, so my youngest, my 7-year old, is doing a project on bird nests. So he came up with those verses in Matthew 7 about building your house on a solid foundation, and how just like the bird builds a strong house, we should build our lives on rock (Jesus) not sand.

OH yeah. I was patting myself on the back. Slappin' myself high fives...I mean seriously! I was tearing up listening to my children. I thought, Wow. I'm sure we've done many things wrong with these kids, but we must have done SOMETHING right! What awesome kids these are!! I don't want to brag or anything, but woo hoo! My kids are awesome! (Ok, I did call a friend or two AND my sister to brag.) But I had to! I was in parenthood nirvana.

Briefly.

Cole (my 7-year-old): Mom, isn't my project cool?
Me: Yes, VERY cool. You did a fantastic job!
Cole: Yeah, I think I'm gonna win the Science Fair.
Me: Well, remember, Cole, it's not about winning. It's
about doing your best and learning something about science!
Cole: No, I think it's about winning.
Me: But didn't you have fun? Wasn't it great this weekend working on these projects together? We learned so much about bird nests and God's wonderful creation. That's what it's all about.
Cole: (looking truly shocked) No, for me it's all about the win.
Me: You may not realize it now Cole, but some day you'll look back on this and remember how fun this weekend was and how much you
learned.
Cole: (staring at me like I'm an alien) I guess so. Whenever I'm polishing my gold medal, I guess I'll remember this weekend.

Yeah. My work is not done here.