Excuse me while I VOMIT all over my desk.

Just now a kindergartner came running in from recess into my office. She had tears streaming down her face.

Her: "Waaaaaaah! I have DOG POOP all over my hands."
Me: Oh great. THIS is all I need today...."Ummm, ok. Well you'll need to go to the bathroom and wash up really really well with soap and water."
Her: "Ok. But don't you want to know how I KNOW it's dog poop?"
Me: Oooooh man...not really, no. No I REALLY don't, kid. "Because you can smell it?" Gross, gross, gross...
Her: "NOPE!!!! Guess again!!"
Me: Oh, dear God. I'm soooo not in the mood. For this I went to college? "Ok. PLEEEASE tell me you didn't TASTE it."
Her: "NOPE!"
Me: Oh, whew! RELIEF! Thank you LORD...
Her: "I didn't have to taste it..I just knew after I LICKED it!!!!"